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Help Pal, Grannies House is Haunted Part Two!!!



No sooner had Duggie pulled up in his beaten up navy blue Morris Minor, Colin had disappeared like David Banner into the ‘now’ foggy distance. When I had eagerly taken my frozen hand out of my trouser pocket to shake Duggie’s hand, he had dismissed it as though I had offered him a wet slimy rag. A heavy huff blew out of his gruffy mouth, through his tangled nipple length grey beard as he spun on his heel. His mannerisms had told me that he had taken an instant dislike to me, and even though words hadn’t been exchanged yet, I had guessed that this was a signal to follow him. now don’t get me wrong I respect those who are older than me, it’s the law of the cosmos, but if it ain’t two way, you can jog on.

The first time he spoke to me when was I was told to get into the back of the car as he did not like travelling with passengers in the front. As I popped my head into the car and turned to look inside the back I was met with a pair of huge bulb like bulging blue eyes, which belonged to a rather friendly looking Great Dane. ‘Squeeze in with Archie will you laddie, for gods sake, he won’t bite’ snapped Duggie. I did as I was told, like a child obeying its parent, and before long we were all chugging off merrily up the steep hills which surrounded the city of Aberdeen.

‘So you’re the Last Ghostbuster are you laddie’ asked Duggie whilst eye balling me through the rear view mirror. I nodded and he laughed loud and said ‘more like the ‘Last Numpty”. I asked Duggie to repeat himself, though I heard what he said and I knew what it meant,. He never repeated himself he just laughed. Now for any of you people who don’t own a Scottish urban dictionary and don’t know what a ‘Numpty’ is. It’s an asshole who couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery, the village idiot, a dunce, however; Duggie was very much mistaken, I didn’t know him and he certainly didn’t know me, so his opinions, though prejudged and generalised, just confirmed to me that he was a ‘Numpty’ an old should know better than to judge ‘Numpty’.

Now apart from the car banging, scraping and wheezing it’s way through the isolated hills, the journey was going quite well. Duggie had slammed a tape into the cassette player with determination,  like a rapper about to play you his latest spit on a mix tape, but instead of any gangster rap, Eminem, or Doctor Dre blowing out the pea size bassless speakers, it was bagpipe music, and the treble was crankin. To be honest I was rocking to the bagpipe bassless rythm for a good fifteen minutes, and I don’t think my new best friend ‘Duggie Fresh’ appreciated this, I think it was meant to annoy me, so before long he turned it off as quick as he put it on.

Duggie then started to relay a quick fire hit of questions, which made me feel like I had somehow been teleported from the desolate hills of Scotland to the more sunny, blue skied environment of camp Xray Cuba. He was asking me had I been to the house before? Did I know how scary it was? I was waiting for the ‘are you here for our Scottish women’ question but it never came, but to be honest Sheena Easton is one of the hottest babes on the planet, and I still envy ‘The Artist formally known as Prince’ for his exploits. Now when he was explaining how scary it was and what had gone on, a strange thing began to happen, Archie kept looking round at me with a worried look that said ‘he’s right yanno laddie’, the pooch was well aware of what was being said and was agreeing with it. It was obvious this over grown pooch next to me was an enlightened spirit, and as the Last Ghostbuster I had come to learn to trust animal instincts more than humans, if pooch was sketchy about this house then so was I. For the first time in a long time, I was feeling more than a wee bit of doubt over  ever agreeing to come here in the first place.

But it was too late, and as I was running a few negative scenarios through my paraniod head, Duggie piped up ‘Look Laddie, here she is’. I looked up to see my home for the next twenty four hours, and it’s flaky peeling grey paint on its front door, screamed two words very loudly ‘GO AWAY’.

Too be continued……

3 thoughts on “Help Pal, Grannies House is Haunted Part Two!!!

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